Compared to the wall of toys built for straight couples, the wlw aisle can feel like bare ground. And inside it, the toys made with two women in mind sometimes feel like a desert. So the picture of what sex between women even involves gets boxed in — and even when you finally track down the thing you've been quietly wanting, it's easy to freeze. No experience with it. A fear it won't match what you imagined.
This is the guide that walks you in anyway. We've split the field into three levels, so you can find where you and your partner actually are — not where a shop assumes you should be.
What counts as a "lesbian sex toy"?
Ask around and the answer usually circles back to one or two things: the strap-on, the double-ended dildo. But that's too narrow. Anything that brings your partner pleasure and a physical climax in the heat of it counts. A toy doesn't have to look a certain way to belong to you.
We've grouped them into three levels so you can locate what you need more precisely — and so neither of you walks in over your head.
Level 1: Finger vibes — for a partner new to toys
Fingering is the most common way women have sex with women. Odds are your fingers are skilled enough to win awards on their own. But going at it for an hour or two until your partner comes — that's the kind of ache that makes you wonder whether a finger can actually snap off.
You'd love a little help from a vibrator. The catch: your partner is new to all this and recoils at anything that goes inside. That's exactly the gap a finger vibe fills. It saves your soon-to-be-crippled hand, and it's a gentle way to lead a partner into toys for the first time.
The ring vibe — the loudest little thing for its size
The ring-style finger vibe is the one people don't expect much from until they try it. You slip it onto a finger and roam anywhere on your partner's body.
Small and precise, it can concentrate on every detail and sensitive spot. The best part: with it on, the moment your finger goes in, the finger itself turns into a vibrator — straight to the core.
In short, a non-penetrative finger vibe is ideal for a partner who isn't ready for more. One good buzz might be all it takes to open the door to wanting more. And the cute, low-key shape means that if someone spots it in your bag, no one's embarrassed.
The step-up finger vibe — best value for a beginner
The upgraded finger vibe is the best bang-for-buck toy for someone starting out: one tool, many jobs. It works for a partner who isn't ready for penetration, and for one who wants to be filled.
The sleeve design puts a strong motor at each end. Worn on the finger, it handles the teasing friction of foreplay and the full, deep buzz once you're inside. Skin-friendly silicone and a streamlined shape mean it slides in naturally near the opening, while the little tail outside hugs the clit. Inside and out hit at once — and who knows what happens next.
Level 2: Strap-ons — for a partner who likes penetration
Say "lesbian sex toy" and most people picture the strap-on first. If your partner enjoys a vaginal climax and isn't shy about penetration, welcome to Level 2.
Compared with a finger vibe, the strap-on adds a sensory charge. For the giver, a sense of conquest. For the receiver, the satisfaction of being taken. And — not nothing — it frees both your hands to do more: hold each other, or whatever else you've got in mind (wink).
The harness is built on the same idea as a paired-vibe design — it moves freely with the body and stays comfortable. The difference is that the dildo on the harness has no motor, so the body of it is softer, and it comes in different sizes. The slight upward curve means that whether you're going from behind or face-to-face, every thrust angles toward the G-spot.
For a giver who doesn't want to be touched, the harness dildo is a friendly, practical pick. Easy to wear, easy to move in, and visually charged enough to spike the endorphins. It captures what a lot of women actually want: a shape that's gentle and elegant, a give that's neither too soft nor too hard, an ergonomic angle with the right ridge and curve — every push aimed at the G-spot.
It's built with the giver's effort in mind, too. The load-bearing parts are backed with a leather-foam pad for support, skin-friendly and snug, so you can drive the strap-on exactly the way you want.
Realistic dildo vs. smooth vibrator — pick for the two of you
A lot of people assume "strap-on" means a hyper-realistic dildo, and a lot of sellers assume that's just what wlw couples want. But preference is personal — there's no single best, only the best fit for you and your partner. Some women love the visual charge of a lifelike design; others are put off by anything that reads as male symbolism.
Either way, the thing that matters is talking it through together: shape, the details of the design, size — and the part everyone forgets, how comfortable it is to wear. A bad harness fit means it slips mid-motion or gives you nothing to push against.
Level 3: Double-ended toys — for two who both want to be filled
A lot of wlw couples keep rigid roles in bed — one only gives, never receives. Maybe out of shyness, maybe because a climax doesn't feel like it fits their "role," so after the heat they settle for the endorphin rush alone — the mental high, no physical one.
For some women that's genuinely enough. But in a healthy relationship, desire shouldn't be erased, and it shouldn't belong to one person only.
Double-ended toys sit at Level 3 because, more than the finger vibe or the strap-on, they ask both partners to have some experience and to be willing to push past a line — so both of you reach a physical climax, with the mental one as the real breakthrough.
The double-ended vibrator is designed with wlw use in mind at every turn. If you both like the feeling of penetration, a double-ended insertable toy is the best choice there is — no more drawing straws over who gets filled first and who does the work.
These toys usually have a very flexible bend at the joint, so it adapts to any angle without tugging at the skin, hooks firmly onto both G-spots without slipping, and moves with your bodies on every push and pull. The hooked end is tapered narrow at the tip so a giver who isn't used to penetration can still take it in easily; once it's in, the curve drives straight at both partners' G-spots. People swear by it.
(A note, since it's hard to picture how this even works: a lot of the double-ended toys on the market are made of very soft material — they can twist a full 360 degrees with no problem. Anything you can draw a diagram of, they can usually do. Please don't be rough with it anyway.)
The double-ended remote toy (the "double dragon")
This is the shape most people mean when they say double-ended toy. The look is aggressive and the technique looks intense, so outside of porn shoots most people are scared to buy one. But food-grade silicone is soft, smooth, and stretchy — it's surprisingly gentle in use.
This style packs strong dual-motor vibration, and because two people's sensitivity differs, you can set each end to its own frequency and run them at once. A lightly realistic design slides in easily, and the textured veining gives every motion a different jolt. It's a boss-level toy that pushes both the body and the mind to the edge.
Maybe you'll say: you don't want one person always doing the work while the other just receives, but you don't want both of you skewered on one long dildo either — especially the giver, who may not like being penetrated. No problem. There's a harness for that too: a single-insert, dual-motor design that lets the giver feel the buzzing tingle on her own vulva even as she's the one driving. It's made of skin-friendly neoprene, soft leather, and nylon cord, with every skin-contact edge finished clean, and a double-fixing design that moves 100% with the body. Pair it with a remote to change the vibration on the fly, and a giver who doesn't like penetration can still climax at the same moment as her partner.
Which lube should you use with these?
A lot of women who know what they're doing pair a toy with lube. What does lube actually do, and why bother? [FLAG — confirm framing] Lube adds slip and cuts friction, so neither of you gets sore or yelps from skin dragging on skin. Plainly put: it keeps the way in smooth, so you're not creeping in and out in tense little increments that kill the mood. And beyond the practical job of getting in and out, a little lube rubbed elsewhere — a massage here and there — adds its own charge.
There are basically three kinds: water-based, silicone-based, and oil-based. All three lubricate, but each has its own character and its own best use.
- Water-based is the all-purpose default. It washes off easily and is the safe first buy.
- Silicone-based is harder to wash off, but it still leaves the body through normal processes — and it's excellent for anal play. [FLAG — confirm anatomy] The anus doesn't produce lubrication of its own, and water-based gets absorbed too fast, so silicone-based is the one that earns its place there.
- Oil-based rounds out the three; it lasts longest but isn't right for every situation.
[FLAG — confirm compatibility] One caveat worth adding: silicone lube can degrade a silicone toy over time, so when you're using a silicone toy, reach for water-based lube instead. (If you're not sure what your toy is made of, our body-safe materials guide walks through how to tell.)
The point of the three levels
We split wlw toys into three levels so you can see where you and your partner can comfortably go, and read your own needs more clearly. Maybe after reading this, you both level up from beginner — at your own pace.
Here's what we hope you take away: women who love women don't owe sex a single rod going in. Oral, fingering, anything a straight couple can do — two women can do too. Sex is plural. It holds every gender and every orientation, and it's one more way of saying I love you. Drop the stereotype you've been carrying.
There are a lot of ways to love. But in a healthy one, physical closeness isn't optional. If the heat has cooled, there's nothing wrong with letting a toy bring it back up — and getting there together.
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